Why Most Marriages Fail: Expectations

Take me back to that day when you first decided that you were going to spend the rest of your life with the person that you loved. The range of emotions that you felt was probably unparalleled to anything you had ever been apart of. At that time you weren’t thinking about much except for the fact that you were in love and at that moment someone told you that they cared about you; you no longer felt unloved!

Most of the time we have no clue what we signed up for. This is why communication is a very important tool One of the most underutilized tools in relationships is communication. You would think after thousands of years we would have gotten this right and some point. Most people seem to be stuck in their ways and lack the ability to change and adapt. Some people are able to adapt to relationships because they love change and they welcome change.

The reason that adapting to change in marriage is so important is because there are two people that come from completely different households, family, and in all honesty two different people. Opposites do tend to attract each other. The way you do laundry is different. The way you make the bed is different. The way you look at life may be different. The most important of them all is your expectations are different!

Expectations are defined as a strong belief that something will happen in the future. There is no statistical analysis to prove this is the number 1 reason that marriages fail, but there’s an argument to be made. When a couple cannot agree they may be able to come to a consensus and agree to disagree, but what happens when they both expect different things? One partner wants 2 children, a dog, and a white picket fence, while the other wants to travel the world and does not want kids! I believe we can agree that neither one really has a selling point for the other.

At this time they are probably wishing they had known this before they decided to tie the knot. Over these past years marriage has lost its flare and people marry for many different reasons today, but no matter how you perceive marriage, there still has to be two people that are on the same page when it comes to expectations. I watched my parents marriage fail because of something that could have been fixed through a little communication. She wanted date nights, but he was concerned with taking care of our family and making sure everyone had a roof over their head! In his eyes, he was being a great father and husband because nobody wanted for anything; in her eyes he was neglecting her and was only focused on the children. There were no date nights, roses, nor was there time; just  taking care of children and going to work. They both lost sight of what marriage was.

Marriage is a unity; meaning two becomes one. If your marriage is failing get to the root of the problem. What was your expectations and what are your expectations now.  Can you compromise or salvage the relationship. Before you get to a place where marriage is even on the table, think about what you both expect from the relationship. Opposites do attract, but you cannot tell a person whose life is planned out to change everything for you, and then not expect them to be a little resentful. So you don’t get to that point it is important that you know your expectations as well as your partner, and you communicate those expectations!

Anthony Newton


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