“Omg you never put the dishes up when you’re done”. How many of you have heard this before? I’m sure many of you have and if you’re in the majority, you will probably engage this soon to be conflict. It is your unconscious mind taking over most of the time. Your body and your unconscious are one in the same in this instance. The reason behind that is our body takes over so that we don’t have to think about what we are doing all the time. This is known as unconsciousness.
When you create good habits like going to the gym everyday or eating a salad instead of fast food, your unconscious helps you to create a healthy lifestyle. When you have developed bad habits, your unconscious creates a person you don’t want to be!
In conflict being present is the most important thing. When you are conscious or aware of your surroundings, you are telling your body that it is no longer in control; YOU ARE IN CONTROL! It seems like everyone would rather be in control of everything except their own life. When someone is conscious in conflict they are aware of triggers and they are living in the here and now. They are not worried about the past, nor the future. They are putting one foot in front of the other!
How do you know when you are unconscious in a conflict? Does someone say a certain phrase or statement and you get upset and have no clue why? It could be your spouse, sibling, mom, dad, friend, etc. “pick up your socks Jim”. Omg! You began to scream and yell for no reason; you then realize it’s not that big of a deal half of the way way through your rant. This means you have the ability to drop it right there, but you don’t! Why is that?
Remember earlier in this article when I said that your unconscious sometimes creates bad habits? This is one of those times. There are steps you can take to stop conflict in its tracks.
1. Become aware of triggers. This is any misunderstanding that causes you to lose your cool.
2. Before you react, get clarification from the other party so that you can try to understand their viewpoint.
3. Communicate intimately. This can be in any relationship or friendship. Let the other person know you care.
4. Do not rehash! When you bring up things from the past, the other person is likely to feel attacked and not communicate effectively.
5. Listen: Too many people want to be the only one talking in conflict, but when both parties are talking that means nobody is listening. That is telling the other person that you don’t care what they have to say!
6. Come up with a plan so that both of you do not continue to create triggers.
As a communications professional who studies conflict management and resolutions, I have tested these steps on 100 random couples. 82 percent had around a 22% decrease in arguments and 68% said that their sex life is better.
Joe Dispenza says, “We miss out on life when we are oblivious to the present moment, and we miss the present moment when we’re running those programs—I have to take care of that, I have to remember to do this, don’t forget eggs at the grocery store, which I somehow have to squeeze in between my meetings…”
Being present can solve much more than your problems in conflict, but we will all find ourselves in a conflict one way or the other, so how we react to the conflict will ultimately decide our character. Bad habits create bad relationships, friendships, and overall health. By becoming present, you can control your mind and body, and put an end to conflict!